Minimum Requirements?

Since the wind has the caught the sails of this blog once more, I’ve gotten the awesome opportunity to follow a lot of amazing couples that are in the same exact situation we were once in. Bravo to you brave souls who are putting yourselves out there and risking it all for love!

On the other hand, I’ve also come across many bitter and self-pitying posts about what’s considered an LDR, and how another person in an LDR/relationship is judged (by these common standards: distance apart, time apart, age, etc.), then told how they’re allowed to feel.

It goes without saying that everyone’s situation is different, and the definition of a “Long Distance Relationship” might not even remotely resemble what you or I consider it to be.

For instance, I come across posts like this very frequently:

You don’t really know what a long distance relationship is until you experience it for at least 6 months.

I’m jealous of my friends just because they see their boyfriends every day… They will never really appreciate what they have.

I would like for everyone to take a step back and realize that these type of thoughts are 1) Not conducive to your own perception of your long distance relationship (ie: You are not a “martyr” for love/projection of negative feelings away from the source — your relationship), 2) Cold and rude towards someone who’s probably feeling just as shitty as you are about not seeing their partner, and 3) Ostracizing yourself from someone you could very easily make a friend with based on the mutual feelings of loneliness and heartache.

All it takes is a touch of compassion, and you could have someone who’s more understanding than your real life friends who may be harsh and judgmental of your long distance relationship (“What’s the point?”, “How do you even know they’re real/who they say they are?”, etc.). And spoiler: no one is going to willingly RSVP to your Pity Party.

Envy is one thing, but don’t let it turn into bitterness and disregard for others. It will ruin your relationship faster than it ruins theirs if you continue to sink into this unhealthy mindset.

With Your Best Interests in Mind,
A

30 Day LDR Challenge (In One Go)

  • Q1: Your name/Their name
  • A: I won't tell you his, but mine is Anna.
  • Q2: Your ages
  • A: Hilo's almost 28, and I'm 22.
  • Q3: Your locations
  • A: I lived in Missouri and he lived in California. Now we both live in California together.
  • Q4: How did you meet?
  • A: Through a gaming forum for Aion, he messaged me through AIM.
  • Q5: Since when have you been together?
  • A: *Technically* June 22nd, 2010. But we were exclusive since... the February or March before?
  • Q6: What is the most random thing you know about him?
  • A: He rubs lotion on his feet then rubs them back on forth on the carpet. He says it feels nice.
  • Q7: How do you communicate with each other?
  • A: We used to use in-game chat, AIM, MSN Messenger, Skype, texts, phone calls, and even a few letters and cards were sent back and forth.
  • Q8: Favorite thing you've given him?
  • A: Materialistically, his thick winter coat because he looks really handsome in it. On a more abstract level, I'd like to think I was a large part of why he started getting his shit together and being productive with his life.
  • Q9: Favorite thing he has given you?
  • A: The orgasms are quite nice. OH, AND MY COMPUTER! ♥
  • Q10: Favorite thing about him?
  • A: Ooh, I have so many. Sense of humor, mainly, but his cleverness and intelligence come next.
  • Q11: Pick one thing you miss and describe it in detail.
  • A: That's a tough choice between the way he always pull me towards him and tucks me against his chest while he's half-asleep, or the way he smells. I'm going to have to choose the first because sometimes the latter is not so pleasant.
  • Q12: How would you define love?
  • A: I think it's feeling of wanting to better yourself and help the one you care for be the best person they can be as well. It's really all about developing in a positive direction together. It's the rock-solid determination to stick things out and make it work, as long as it remains healthy for each other to do so. At the point that it becomes unhealthy, cold, or parasitic, it's also the ability to accept that and letting someone go so they can continue to be a better person, even if you aren't with them. Too often I see very co-dependent people think they're better with someone despite frequent unresolved fights and break-ups, and not appreciating the person they're supposed to love. That, to me, is not love. It's convenience and it's a waste of time.
  • Q13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?
  • A: The thought that I may never get to touch or share the same breathing space as this person I care so deeply for. By the time I had dated Hilo, I had previous online relationships that ended that way. I don't regret not seeing them any longer, but it's a very tough experience to live through when you realize you're never going to really meet someone that you invested so much of yourself in.
  • Q14: Before you met, describe what you thought a perfect moment with him would be.
  • A: You know, before I moved out here, I had so many! I think that since I've lived out most of those "perfect moments", the next one would be staying in a beautiful city together and doing adult things like "real vacations". I mentioned this in a previous post -- fancy hotel, no dog, nice rental car. I LOVE hotels! I think other "perfect moments" would be us trying out a new breakfast spot every weekend, or going on hikes/walks together.
  • Q15: Favorite love song?
  • A: Ugh, there's so many to pick from. It's super cliche, but I suppose it'd be "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. It's just so fitting, you know? I also really like "Songbird" by Oasis and "Beautiful Morning with You" by the Pillows.
  • Q16: Favorite love movie?
  • A: You know, most of these are really shitty choices, but I really like the love stories involved -- The Royal Tenenbaums, Closer, Lost in Translation, Gardenstate, My Sassy Girl (Korean Version), The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (Anime), and Whisper of the Heart (Anime).
  • Q17: Favorite love quote?
  • A: "Ómnia vincit amor; et nos cedamus amori." ~ Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love. - Virgil
  • Q18: Post a picture of you two!
  • A: No.
  • Q19: I know t here's not one thing, but choose one of your favorite things to hear them say.
  • A: "Let's go get Taco Bell".... or "Annie", I guess.
  • Q20: Is there something you regret (about the relationship or something you have done)?
  • A: I always regret getting into stupid-ass arguments with him.
  • Q21: Give us a little insight on your sex life.
  • A: Our cardio endurance is non-existent.
  • Q22: Share something cute -- a story, something either of you have done, a song, memory, wish, dream, etc.
  • A: Hilo and I were on Skype and my stepmom was asking me about my lack of period/birth control, and Hilo could hear the entire conversation. To make things more awkward, he begins making loud and very clear farting noises that we both could hear. Of course, from where she was standing, I'm sure it seemed as if I was just letting loose right in front of her during this pretty serious conversation, and I could barely keep a straight face. Hilo could also see both of our expressions and nearly died while laughing silently. After she left (presumably before the stench hit her) I literally started crying from laughing so hard.
  • Q23: What's a song that always reminds you of him?
  • A: That stupid Rick Ross song where he's always going "HAUGH" into the mic.
  • Q24: Describe him physically and emotionally/personality-wise.
  • A: He's Taiwanese, about 6' tall, and built like a brick house. Emotionally, he's really stable and logical, but gets irritated quickly. His personality's A+.
  • Q25: One thing that he does that pisses you off
  • A: Transfers his gooch stank to my face via his hand or says the word "babby".
  • Q26: Sweetest thing he has done for you?
  • A: Ugh, to be honest, there's a lot. I think the sweetest thing he did (though it certainly sucked for him at the time) was try to rescue me from imaginary kidnappers due to a really bad miscommunication between us. He was literally driving all over town looking for me.
  • Q27: If you had the money/time/connections/whatever to get him any gift in the world, what would it be?
  • A permanent position at his dream company doing anything his heart desired (with pay good enough to retire at 40-45).
  • Q28: If you could have him with you physically for the next 5 hours, what would you do?
  • A: Before I moved out here, I would say "Have sex". Now that I've been out here... I'm still gonna say "Have sex".
  • Q29: When will you see him next?
  • A: As soon as I turn around and get the fuck to bed.
  • Q30: Where do you see your future going with him?
  • A: I could literally fill this up with all kinds of girlykittenrainbowglitterpuke, but I'm honestly taking it week by week. A lot of things are changing very quickly, and although I know I want to be with him for as long as he'll tolerate me (longer if I'm sneaky about it), I'm not sure what kind of timeline he's on and I want us to be solid (aka more understanding of each other/less argumentative) before taking things further.