I wonder if I should even post about today. Maybe not yet. I’ll wait until Hilo gets home and we talk some more.
I didn’t want to tell him that phone call made me feel one million times better than where I was before. When he tells me, “It’s nothing, A, I promise. I’m sorry,” I have to believe it.
Of course, I’ve heard that before… before talking to him, I was entertaining the idea of how easily I’d fall for it if he just lied and ripped my heart right out and how pathetic I am. Of how fucking deceitful people are, and that I’m too forgiving.
But I have to believe he’s telling the truth. I have to believe that he wants this just as badly as I do. I want to work through things with him instead of giving up. I don’t want to lie. Dishonesty is no longer a part of the relationships I have. It’s so much more work and pain, but he’s worth it. He’s my everything.
And I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say my name that many times in a fifteen minute period. Maybe that’s another reason why I’m feeling so good.
It’s the little things, man.
The little fucking things.
I have to confess: I’m crying again. But out of relief.
P.S. - Happy 300th post.