Q:Actually, I have a question about how to be more clingy, or well more in tune with my feelings. I'm constantly told that I'm not very expressive in my emotions, and they're always wondering how I feel. How do I become better at this sort of thing?
This advice is coming from a girl that has yet to tell her boyfriend, “I love you”, but here goes.
I find that it can be incredibly hard to express my feelings aloud. That’s probably why I have 3 or 4 different blogs, two journals, and a ton of letters that Hilo and I sent back and forth to do it for me.
If you also have trouble with verbalizing how you feel, take some “me” time and do some introspection. Ask yourself simple questions that will lead to ones that might be tougher to determine the answer to.
Here’s a personal example that I’ve since overcome:
Do I feel positively or negatively about Hilo watching porn?
Do I dislike porn?
Do I care if he masturbates?
What part of him watching porn do I dislike?
It makes him feel good sexually to watch other girls that I feel are more attractive than I am.
Do I think Hilo will attempt to get in contact with these girls (am I jealous)?
Do I think that these girls are better than me because they indirectly make Hilo feel good?
Through this series of questions, I came to the conclusion that I’m actually fine with Hilo watching porn, but I have problems that are a direct result of my own self-esteem VS women I consider attractive that I have to actively fight against.
The thing I needed to express, thankfully, was very black and white, and I know that probably isn’t the case with yours, but it’s worth exploring why you feel a certain way, and also why you feel reluctant to express it (afraid to seem vulnerable/too invested too quickly). Finally, you might think about why the person who’s encouraging you to express yourself wants to hear about how you feel. Are you seeming closed off and distant or are they wanting you to confess your love so they can reveal their own feelings?
Also, having a face helps.
How to keep a relationship.
Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad. Build trusts. Be honest. Be faithful. Be there for one another. Make time for one another. Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s. Know that having arguments are normal. Know that you won’t always be happy. Don’t expect change. Appreciate the flaws. Appreciate each other. Become best friends. Lastly, love each other unconditionally.
Since the wind has the caught the sails of this blog once more, I’ve gotten the awesome opportunity to follow a lot of amazing couples that are in the same exact situation we were once in. Bravo to you brave souls who are putting yourselves out there and risking it all for love!
On the other hand, I’ve also come across many bitter and self-pitying posts about what’s considered an LDR, and how another person in an LDR/relationship is judged (by these common standards: distance apart, time apart, age, etc.), then told how they’re allowed to feel.
It goes without saying that everyone’s situation is different, and the definition of a “Long Distance Relationship” might not even remotely resemble what you or I consider it to be.
For instance, I come across posts like this very frequently:
You don’t really know what a long distance relationship is until you experience it for at least 6 months.
I’m jealous of my friends just because they see their boyfriends every day… They will never really appreciate what they have.
I would like for everyone to take a step back and realize that these type of thoughts are 1) Not conducive to your own perception of your long distance relationship (ie: You are not a “martyr” for love/projection of negative feelings away from the source — your relationship), 2) Cold and rude towards someone who’s probably feeling just as shitty as you are about not seeing their partner, and 3) Ostracizing yourself from someone you could very easily make a friend with based on the mutual feelings of loneliness and heartache.
All it takes is a touch of compassion, and you could have someone who’s more understanding than your real life friends who may be harsh and judgmental of your long distance relationship ("What’s the point?", "How do you even know they’re real/who they say they are?", etc.). And spoiler: no one is going to willingly RSVP to your Pity Party.
Envy is one thing, but don’t let it turn into bitterness and disregard for others. It will ruin your relationship faster than it ruins theirs if you continue to sink into this unhealthy mindset.
With Your Best Interests in Mind,
Boyfriend and I really, really want to do this. He had been looking at sites where couples just dropped everything for 3 weeks or more and traveled in their 4Runners across Mexico and the States.
I think we’ve both got a lot of pent up wanderlust, and even his parents are telling him to move to China or Taiwan for a year because it’ll be an experience that he’ll grow from.
Boyfriend is still looking for a job in the gaming industry, which is leading him to apply (or think about applying) for places in Seattle and NorCal. I think this is where our age difference shows its face. He’s 27 and rightfully pursuing his career, and his financial success, and both of those things will bring him happiness and hopefully a sense of peace.
He thinks if he moves to Seattle or NorCal that we’d visit each other every weekend, or every month and have a long-distance relationship until… what exactly? I move up there? He moves down here? We break up?
It’s a 100% chance of us not being together for who knows how long, and I’m not okay with that.
This is not how things are going to pan out, and here’s why:
Although I have my own career-related goals, and desire for financial stability and independence… I’m pursuing him. It’s a weird situation where I don’t want to hold him back by saying, “If you move there, I’m moving with you,” because he’ll think that I’m giving up on a good job in a great company to be with him (therefore crippling myself, from his point of view). But I’m 22 and I’ve been told I have a lot of pluck and courage. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I know that I wouldn’t be in California if it weren’t for him. I didn’t move everything out here to get a sweet job and enjoy the weather.
I moved out here only for him, and things have just gotten better from there. I’m not going to give that up now and go back to Skype calls and empty blankets and with nothing to look forward to when I get home from work. I want to see him succeed, not hear about it secondhand. The whole reason why we’re together is so we can take these crazy leaps hand-in-hand instead of alone.
Sorry, Boyfriend, but that’s just how it’s going to be. We’re in this together.